thoughts on second baby

My mind has been awash with impending-second baby fears and insecurities. I’m also contemplating an internal position switch at my job, and the combination of new baby and job change has me revisiting the home-work life balance fears of young momma in an all-consuming kind of way. My brain is flooded with the standard second-baby questions:
--> Our heart is so full with the joy and love for Asher, will we have enough love to share between two amazing little boys?
--> What will parenting be like when we are ‘evenly matched’ against our kids?
--> We’ve figured Asher out pretty well – but what will this next little guy be like?

But then these questions are further compounded when I start to think about juggling between life at home and more hours at work –
--> Do I/(will I) regret not having time with my kids right now while they’re so small?
--> What is the right balance of work and being at home?
--> Am I giving my family ‘enough’ of myself? Do I have ‘enough’ to give at work?
(And where on earth/what on earth does that leave for friendships?!)

I’m trying to remind myself:

• that there is no perfect balance of working and being at home; anyone telling you otherwise is lying/selling you something
• that life entails constant re-calibration/re-evaluation of your priorities 
• that you can always change course, so I should stress less about the big decisions and take each day as they come
• most of all – that I find my strength, that I am enough, when I depend on Christ and lean in to my community for guidance, love, and support

This current political cycle has been so marked by fear, that I loved when I stumbled on this quote/reminder this morning:

“If you knew how great is a mother’s love, you would have no fear.” — Peter Pan

It’s a healthy reminder as I prepare for baby #2 – my love as a mother for Asher (and for new baby, and all of my children) is enough – it guides my steps and my decisions. Even as I make some personal (seemingly self-focused) work decisions, they are grounded in my love for him, for Charlie, and for my family as a whole. And concurrently, I can trust that my path is made clear by my heavenly Father/Mother.

“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”