Is it just me, or does Facebook feel kind of like this most of the time?:
Every now and then someone posts a fantastic video of a baby monkey riding on a pig, or Jimmy Fallon and Michelle Obama working out some sweet mom-dance moves. But more often than not it feels like a place where I go to make really shallow and unrealistic comparisons of my friends curated lives (usually ending making me feel cheap-ly, briefly, smugly, and in the worst possible way "better" about myself, or completely lonely, empty and jealous of my friends DINC/singling it up in "exotic" cities far away.) Here's a Tim Kreider quote about comparison.
One of the hardest things to look at is the life we didn't lead, the path not taken, potential left unfulfilled. In stories, those who look back - Lot's wife, Orpheus - are irrevocably lost. Looking to the side instead, to gauge how our companions are faring, is a way of glancing at a safer reflection of what we cannot directly bear, like Perseus seeing the Gorgon safely mirrored in his shield. It's the closest we can get to glimpse the parallel universe in which we didn't ruin the relationship years ago, or got that job we applied for, or made that plane at the last minute. So it's tempting to read other people's lives as cautionary fables or repudiations of our own, to covet or denigrate them instead of seeing them for what they are: other people's lives, island universes, unknowable.I'll save the remaining reflections on this facet of the FB for another day.
When Facebook isn't a space for shallow comparison games, it often feels like everyone is just shouting at each other. Two thoughts here:
1. How have we as adults forgotten how things in writing/electronic format lack that "person in front of you" filter that you should self-impose prior to clicking 'enter'? Think back to this Louis CK clip talking about why he limits his daughters time on social smart phones. He very sensibly taps into social media's potent power - to remove the presence of humanity that is maintained when engaging in direct, face-to-face dialogue.
I wish we could all constantly remind ourselves of the message of this clip - of how social media has the power to diminish our empathy, as we don't have the accountability of the reaction of the person immediately in front of us. The words we use to talk at each other (and about other humans!) this past week/in general has left me feeling shocked and in despair.
2. A lot of the comments on my own, specific newsfeed reflected my own beliefs. While I'm grateful that my core circle of friends share many of my own ideas (which I perceive to be compassionate and reasoned), I realize that my incredulity at misinformation about the refugee resettlement process and the safety concerns expressed by folks who may disagree with me isn't a healthy response. I've felt at moments so shocked and upset by their responses that sometimes it feels like I am "other"-ing people who disagree with me (which almost feels like the same by-product of why so many are fearful/concerned about refugee populations).
I'm not justifying some of the responses to those protesting refugee arrivals (as some have been downright xenophobic and mean).
But I am sad that our society is so divided - among socioeconomic, regional, racial, and ideological lines. I wish we had more public spaces where we could come together and dialogue, in person, without the veil of anonymity or distance of empathy that we have in our online spaces.
